“Feel The Need In Me” in San Pedro, Ambergris Caye, Belize.


Earlier this week after a shower I looked at myself in the mirror and I knew, I just knew. So I said to myself (yes I am ‘guilty’ of talking to myself but at least this time I could see who I was talking to) “Do you feel the need in me?”

I’ve never felt this way before but I had a compelling urge for a ho. I’ve had these thoughts before but I’ve shown tremendous restraint and controlled them. But this time the need was too strong! I needed a ho that would do most of the work for me. I’m not getting any younger you know.

I think I could have fought the desire for a ho if it were not so easy to find one here on Ambergris Caye. But the establishments where they are available are so well known and the signage makes it obvious that you’ll find a ho inside them.

I decided that I would not tell Rose about my needs.- she might not understand and we might end up arguing about it. Sometimes in life you’ve just got to do what your body is telling you it needs.

So I filled my wallet with BZ$ 50 notes, surreptitiously left the house (OK, OK so it was sneakily) and headed south to where I was confident I’d find the ho that I was looking for. And needed so badly.

I hadn’t been driving for long when I saw what I was looking for

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Not this one. I had something far more upmarket in mind!

So I drove a little further and there it was. A much cleaner looking building where I just knew I’d find the ho of my dreams.

I parked and locked the cart (you have to be careful outside such establishments so I’ve been told) and strode purposefully inside. I looked around for masculine assistance ((like you do when you go to a chemist (drug store for non UK readers) for that ‘little something for the weekend)) but saw females everywhere. Panic was about to set in when a deep, baritone voice said ” Can I help you sir?”.

I turned around to face the questioner and mustered up my most confident sounding voice. ” I’m looking for the most versatile and expensive ho you’ve got” I exclaimed.

He pointed to his left. ” Go try them out” he said. Barely containing my excitement I rushed over to them and after carefully inspecting each and very one of them I made my choice. This one was ‘made’ for me!

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The ho of my dreams. Now isn’t ‘she’ a beauty. And only BZ$ 34.25.

Oh, I found ‘her’ here.

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You didn’t think I was talking about another type of establishment did you?

So I’m now equipped to keep the weeds under control in our freshly cleaned garden . A garden that is still taking shape as you will see from the photos that follow.

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Black dirt ready to fill one of the beds.

Plastic sheeting in place to keep the dirt in Lloyd and his son Anthony set to working

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their way around the garden.

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Waiting for the next delivery of black dirt to finish the south-East corner of the front garden.

And the road side of our front fence looks tidier too.

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Just need some shrubs, trees and flowers now.

The headline for today’s edition is based on the single released in 1973 by the Detroit Emeralds which reached number four on the UK Singles Charts.

NB Please don’t write to tell me it’s spelt hoe. I know but …

15 Comments

  1. Mike says:

    I was out in the backyard yesterday afternoon with my ho and my wife came home! She was actually quite pleased with what we were doing so I just kept on going… (truth be told my ho is quite advanced in years, in fact the wife and the ho have been known to hang out together….)

    1. Hi Mike. Great to learn that you’ve stuck with the same ho for so long. And that your wife is so understanding. Rose got a bit jealous of my ho. I had to get her one too!

  2. footballbat says:

    The garden is looking great John! There’s no place like ho.

  3. woof4treats says:

    Hope you got a good file for your ho. Got to keep them sharp. Garden will look smart by the time we arrive next summer.

    1. Hi Kathy. Yes I’ve got a good file. I’ll try to keep the garden tidy but no promises!

  4. Robert Chodowski says:

    At our age, a “ho” can be a “saving grace”. Too bad we couldn’t stop and chat when I nearly “creamed” you and Rose while driving on the wrong side of the road (forced there by an inconveniently parked delivery truck). The congestion downtown was intense…didn’t expect it this time of the year.

    1. I’ve never had my own ho before so didn’t fully realise how great they are. All the years I’ve wasted. Thought maybe you’d been watching too many British films where they drive on the right (and I, of course, mean correct )side of the road! Good to see you . If only in passing.

  5. robfranz says:

    I’m curious John…why no coconut trees planted yet?

    1. You obviously haven’t been reading the blog for a long while Rob. I planted coconut trees ages ago. We have a further 15 in our adjacent lot . Some of which will be planted and some kept in reserve in case the ones in our garden get sick.

    1. Why thank you Santa Nicholas. Or should I say Bob.

  6. Jane says:

    You’ve still got it, John! You’re such a clever writer, and I do enjoy your posts.
    Gardens look amazing!

    1. Why thank you Jane. It’s easy when you feel as passionately as I do about a ho! Lots to go before the garden is finished but it’s looking much better.

  7. robert says:

    What you’ll be needing soon is a tiller, not one of those dancing tiller ho’s LOL More like a rotovator . Or maybe you going to grow ‘weed’ in the garden ???

    1. Going to let Ziggy grow his nails Robert and then train him to run around in circles. It should clear the weeds and scarify at the same time!

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